You Never Know Where Kids Will Take You

I've always wanted to be a mum, I always knew it was in my path. What I didn't know if how hard the journey to becoming a mother would be and how even harder the journey is for being a 41 year old mum, running a business across 2 continents.. but thats another story! 

For all you parents out there; I think we already know the ride parenthood takes us on with the early mornings, the disrupted nights, the meltdowns, the tantrums, the biting, and your kid being the 'one' who did the 'thing'  - we all are aware of these things and are in constant flow of discussion with other parents. What I find fascinating about parenthood is the inner ride it takes us on, the things people rarely talk about. The one that if we were really honest about over dinner with friends would probably uncover a lot more about ourselves and the things we 'struggle' with. 

A friend who has been to parenting classes responded to my question of 'how was it?' with an eye opener; 'It nothing about the kids behaviour, and everything about your inner wounds as parents'. I sat with that for a moment as it sunk in to its jigsaw piece of sense in my brain. She's right, he is a direct reflection of me. Everything I do, my view of the world, his determination, stubbornness, tenacity, its all built from his environment. Furthermore, how I respond to his very normal seasons and phases of growing up are a reflection of my inner world, not his. 

Realizing this, I took it upon myself to reflect on what emotion was coming up every time he doesn't listen or has a tantrum - the output was interesting to say the least! If I just put a few seconds of space between the incident and the reaction - the world changes. I can recognize tiredness, so I know to be gentler with myself. I can recognize the feeling of rejection, and know that I only feel this way because of my particular set of circumstances in my own childhood that have just been highlighted in this micro second. My son doesn't need to feel the weight of that for saying he wants 'daddy not mummy'. I can recognize that the feeling of being out of control with the situation and feeling helpless is one that will surely pass in the next few minutes and will not be there forever. That inner work lies with me, it's my journey to unpick and find peace with, one that will probably take a lifetime to learn. 

Giving myself the advantage of a 3 second gap gives me the opportunity to rethink an once my inner child has calmed down, I can then re-focus on what HE is struggling with and why he feels anger because 'the dinosaurs eyes are the wrong colour'. I have the opportunity to ask better quality questions so he feels seen and not dismissed. 

All of this provides me with an opportunity for learning that will expand my mind and also my business. If I can take this principle and apply it to every situation I'm in, I will be able to see every 'problem' in front of me with more clarity and reality of that actual situation rather than my inner response to it. 

Needless to say, it's a work in progress! Just good I have a handy 3 year old who will help challenge me everyday to expand and grow. 

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Stay Successful!

Deborah x